Chicken Spiders

Yesterday morning, while Jonas was still sleeping, Dad opened the front door to go get the paper. And then he screamed. "Why are you making so much noise?" Mom said, a slight exasperation in her voice, the possibility of a quiet breakfast between the two of us slipping away at Jonas' potential rise. "Um, come see this," Dad offered, meekly. And there it was: The scariest spider Dad had ever seen, literally trying to trap us inside by building his web across the porch in front of the entrance to the house. Each year around this time, Halloween plays itself out for real around our house in the form of something we call chicken spiders. Basically, these creatures look like a spider mated with a roast chicken. They are, simply, disgusting. And their webs are impossibly big and strong. We have seen grasshoppers caught in them. Grasshoppers. The creature on this morning was more of a cajun chicken spider, blackened rather than reddish-browned like the others of its ilk. With Jonas around now, we find ourselves being more protective in general: of him, of each other, of just about everything. And so despite his nature, Dad didn't think too long before grabbing the broom we keep near the front door for just this potential scenario and thwarting this particular spider's Dad-eating plans by unhinging its web support beams from the sides of the porch and the roof of the house. But not before he was creeped out to no end.